My horoscope told me that I would find myself in quite a tangle today, and not to worry about stepping on any toes. And who am I to go against the stars. Not that they’ve stopped me in the past, but it’s always nice to be given permission. I’d like to take this opportunity to share with you some of my pet peeves, without worrying about whom I may upset. Because the stars told me it was okay. Obviously. And honestly, if you are one who’s feathers I may ruffle, you most likely have committed some or all of these crimes. And it should be brought to your attention.
Some can be completely and utterly justified, while most are incredibly dumb – yet drive me absolutely bonkers. Pet peeve numero one and two, people who are not British using the word bonkers. The same applies for people who incorporate the Spanish language into an otherwise entirely English conversation. However, having studied in Spain, while also having an unhealthy obsession with Bridget Jones, the British accent, and all things Colin Firth, I somehow find myself exempt from both. Sitting at a Starbucks on Wilshire, I am blatantly reminded of several others. People who say I want instead of I’ll have or I’d like. People who attempt to strangle me with their power cords. People who have inappropriate conversations about their weekends in public places. People who catch me listening in on their conversations about their inappropriate weekends and then start speaking in a foreign language – this leads me to believe you are now talking about me, and thus in turn makes me feel extremely self-conscious. People who complain about their drinks being too hot. People who wear sunglasses. At night. Inside. These people frustrate me to no end. Living in Los Angeles, I find myself perplexed by them. Are you someone famous? Someone I would recognize if it weren’t for your sunglasses? You have blonde hair, are you Reese Witherspoon? She does drink a lot of coffee. Is Reese obnoxious enough to wear her sunglasses, at night, inside? She seemed so sweet in Cruel Intentions. Then again, she did break up with Jake Gyllenhaal. Nevermind; you're someone who wants me to think you’re someone who should be wearing sunglasses at night so that no one would recognize, thus bringing unnecessary attention to yourself, aren't you? Yes, I believe this was definitely your intention. And now you’re latte is ready, you’re out the door and I’m left even more frustrated than I was moments ago when deciding between ordering my drink hot or iced.
I assure you, this was not the direction I intended on taking when sitting down to write. Though it is escaping me now, I did have a point. That maybe I'll revisit at sometime.
But boy do I feel better now that that is off my chest.
She does wear sunglasses at night. Maybe it was her, after all?