Blackberry.

This should probably come as no big surprise to a lot of you. But I’m not the biggest fan of technology. Not like I want to go to Burning Man and renounce all of my worldly possessions or anything like that. But like, I went without internet for months because I couldn’t figure out how to recover my password. Or like, I don’t have an iPod because my last iPod decided to delete every single song I’ve ever owned/illegally downloaded since the seventh grade, leaving me with nothing because obviously I never backed them up to my laptop. Or maybe I’m just bitter because I did back them up once, but that laptop was stolen out of my very own car in my very own secured, underground parking structure. Whatever. I’m one of those weird people that buy actual compact discs, reads actual hard copy books, and I prefer a pen and paper to a keyboard any day of the week. Technology and I, we just don’t get along. Case in point: Cell phones.  

While you guys are all so stoked on your new iPhone 5’s, I just received my sixth blackberry in seven months. But no worries, it has MySpace already installed on it so I can stay totally current and up to date with social media. It’s fine. Really, it is. I honestly don’t mind my blackberry. And at one point, my blackberry was super cool and highly respected. I can make spreadsheets, and message people internationally, and play Brick Breaker, and probably do a lot of other really professional and exciting shit too. And don’t forget that the BBM emoji’s were the predecessor to your dumb iPhone emoji’s, so I guess that makes me original or whatever. Try not to be jealous. My blackberry does lots of other neat things too. Like, I had one blackberry that liked to nap. Yeah, nap. Or freeze. But I like nap, because obviously it’s exhausted. So sometimes, it would save all of it’s energy and wait for just the right time to send and receive any messages. It’s like an instant ego boost because I’d receive tons of text messages all at the same time. Those little bells just wouldn’t quit, making me the coolest, most popular girl in school for three seconds every afternoon. I had one blackberry that could read my mind. Sometimes, when it knew I probably didn’t want to talk to someone, it would send them straight to voicemail and never even ring on my end. I wouldn’t even know they called, relinquishing all feelings of guilt for not answering, until I checked my voicemail four months later and learned that somebody needed me to take them to the airport or something else dumb that I probably didn’t care about or want to do anyways. This current blackberry won’t install facebook, or email, or browse the interwebs or send and receive pictures. But it’s cool. I got a cell phone ticket last summer for tweeting and driving, so it’s probably just looking out.

The coolest part about my blackberry  - is that they keep sending them to me. No matter what I do to them, they just keep coming. Seriously. I’ve dropped a blackberry in the ocean, brought it in to a Verizon store, and walked out with a new one. If anyone else is using a prehistoric phone, you know about that stupid white box that turns red revealing water damage? Yeah, well if you leave your phone in the bathroom when you’re showering, steam can do that too, probably. That worked for me, anyways. Maybe they’re aware I’m most likely the last person on the planet using a blackberry so they don’t want to lose my business? But as long as they keep sending them, I’ll keep using them. Unless of course, someone would like to buy an iPhone for me. And subsequently another one in a few months after I destroy the first one. And probably a few more after that too. Maybe I play too rough? Okay, thanks. Love you, mean it.