Jack.

I’m not one for superstitions. I step on cracks in the sidewalk. I pick up all pennies, regardless of which way they face on the ground. And I don’t blow a kiss to the ceiling of my car whenever I speed through a yellow light. I do, however, hate black cats – but for no other reason than the fact that they are cats and I’m not particularly fond of cats. And I don’t walk under ladders, because well, that’s just not safe.

November 11, 2011 was of little significance to me. 11:11 am came and passed as I struggled through a sun salutation in my yoga practice. 11:11 pm came and passed as I cried through The Notebook. A day like any other. I normally don’t wish at 11:11 on any occasion, and 11.11.11 was no different. Regardless of all of the ones.

November 12^th was different. November 12^th I was shocked with unfortunate news. I learned a longtime friend and classmate had passed away. While Jack and I weren’t extremely close, I certainly considered him a dear friend. A friend I shared great memories with. One who I was always excited to see. Who always greeted me with the sweetest smile and the warmest hugs. I’m unsure of the circumstances surrounding his untimely death, but I am sure of the sadness I felt when I heard what happened. Like the wind had been knocked right out of me. Like I couldn’t take in any air. Like I couldn’t breathe at all. Honestly startled by my own emotions, I’ve changed my mind and I want to go back. I know I can’t change things. I can’t rewind time and I can’t go back. But I’ve changed my mind. I didn’t make a wish on 11.11.11, and I’d like to.

thinking of you, jack. and wishing you're resting in peace.

I wish for my friends. For my family. For my friends who’ve become my family. I wish for their health. For their happiness. For their peace. I wish they know their worth. Know how important they are to me, how much they’ve impacted my life, and who I am. I wish they could know how much I love them, how much they mean to me. That’s my wish for Jack, too. That he knows how much we miss him. How much we love him. I wish for his peace, especially. And for his family’s. And I guess I wish for me too. I wish for the ability to show people how special they are. How special they are to me.  It’s a lot of wishes, I know. And I’d hate to be greedy - wait, who am I kidding? I don’t mind being greedy one bit. So yeah. I’m wishing for all of those things. And maybe this dress too.