Ladies, if you've had work done on your chest

bring your hands further apart. 

Moments like this remind me that I live in Los Angeles. And that I love living in Los Angeles. If you can believe it, this phrase was heard through the bumping speakers, over blasting tunes reminiscent of jock jams by the extremely perky instructor of my 9:30 am advanced cardio barre class, photographed above. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about – not in general, but regarding this issue, in the simplest form – cardio barre is ballet on crack. Having danced through high school, the movements of this class come much more naturally to my body than any activity involving weights or machinery of any kind. But I said the movements came more naturally, not that they are natural in any shape or form imaginable. Because kicking your leg back over your head isn’t natural for anyone. If they tell you it is, they are lying. Or they are in Cirque du Soleil. But even then, they are probably lying. 

Not only do I love living in LA, but I love working out in LA. Not because I love working out, but because only here will you hike Runyon Canyon and pass people on their cell phone with a coffee in hand, or fight over a space in a class with a rejected contestant from America’s Next Top Model, or in my case – share a barre with the cheerleaders from Glee, while being offered modifications based on certain surgical enhancements. Tendu-ing and plie-ing to the latest remix of the new Britney Spears track – which I’m obsessing over, by the way – and sweating through layers of lululemon is becoming something of a routine. And because Southern California has completely skipped Spring and is in full force Summer, it needs to stay a routine, as I was once again reminded by the milfs at the pool this afternoon. And if my eating habits are any kind of indication, physical fitness needs to be a top priority. Because if nothing else, I simply can’t afford to buy fat pants. 

In case you were wondering, the exercise requiring modifications were plank push ups, with your hands on the barre and pushing away. Wider hands for those with enhancements. And I can honestly say, at least half of the class widened their arm positions.

In semi-related news - how darling is this little ballerina? I wish I could tell her I know how she feels. Poor thing. Thanks for sharing, Joanna.

The Tragedy of First Position