This is me. I think I'm eight? Have you ever seen a happier birthday girl? Or what appears to be an American themed birthday party, for that matter? Well I'll have you know that the theme of this party was The Olympic Games, and the best part about it is that this was in fact my little sister's birthday party. Yes, those are candles in my cupcake. And yes, I was that obnoxious of an older sister growing up.
This time last year, my roommate was picking me up from LAX.
Fresh from a pool party - still in a swimsuit and cut off shorts, with tangled hair
and sunglasses on my head - my maid of
honor Jaclyn and I had just flown
back from Las Vegas. Because that’s what you do when you turn twentyfour. You have a bachelorette
party in vegas. Things like that are okay in your early twenties. But you guys, an entire year has passed since that day and
in a few short hours I will be turning twentyfive.
A quarter of a century. No longer in my early twenties, twentyfive is
straight mid twenties. Like no joke.
After tomorrow, I will be closer to thirty than I am to twenty and that makes
me want to cry. And then apply a wrinkle serum around my eyes to prevent crows
feet and talk about the importance of sunscreen and how much cheaper gas prices
were back in my day and I DON’T KNOW ISNT THAT WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN
YOU’RE OLD OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT? I’m sorry. This is all very new to me, this
whole mid twenties thing. And if you couldn’t tell, I’m kind of freaking out
about it. I experience a twinge of this every year and usually it’s remedied by
a fabulous celebration and a killer pair of shoes. But I don’t know about this
one, you guys. Twentyfive has a certain sting to it.
It’s not like I’m upset about growing older. I’m thrilled
about growing older. Being old is
cool. You can do whatever you want when you’re old. You could eat Oreo’s and
chocolate milk for breakfast if you wanted to. Because you’re old and you can
make your own decisions and all that stuff. But you guys, that’s the problem. I
ate Oreo’s and chocolate milk for breakfast. And I just don’t know if that kind
of behavior flies when you’re in your mid
twenties. Early twenties, sure. But mid twenties, not so much. I think
that’s what freaks me about this birthday so much – not necessarily the age,
but what goes with it. Growing up, this age felt ancient. But also growing up,
I told my mom I wanted to work at Victoria’s Secret so I could wear a black pantsuit everyday, (because obviously
that is only profession that wears such attire?) so maybe my opinions as a
child should be null. You guys, people are married at this age. People have
babies at this age, on purpose. And
that is crazy to me. So I think I’m going to start with a wrinkle serum. That
seems more my speed. And it doesn't cry or require me to change a diaper. And besides, what says welcome
to your mid twenties more than an anti aging skin care regimen? Nothing.
Nothing is more welcoming than an anti aging skin care regimen.
